fast.

today, i fasted.  for the first time (on purpose) for ages.  drank tons of 0-cal koolaid spruced up water.
it is now 12:00 am, and i have made it.
cool.  i still feel fat from the three days of actual eating i did out of the past eight, but that means four days of under 450, which is better than i've done for a while.  i'm now continuing through the weekend with a (hopefully) 50-cal max per day, allowing myself to hit 100 cals if it's a really hard day.  haven't decided if i'm drinking on saturday night or not...it can add up (normally only 500-cals max though, if i haven't eaten all day), especially given i'm still making up for those three bad days.  i'm thinking maybe i won't this weekend.
maybe i'll fast again friday or something. i think tomorrow i'm going to have a little something for flavor. i wonder how well c&s-ing works on not absorbing calories?

news! i don't know if you've heard, but the APA (American Psychological Association) is working on editing criteria for disorders for the new version of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders), the DSM-V, and today announced new criteria for eating disorders.  Surprise, surprise, now you can be anorexic and still get your period! (before you weren't classified as anorexic even if you met all the other criteria)  That was a long time coming, lame.  also they're adding binge-eating disorder.  bulimia's staying relatively the same, it appears, but that one's the most common anyway.

other things i've been learning since i just read the eating disorders section of my textbook.  PURGING ONLY RESULTS IN GETTING RID OF ABOUT HALF THE CALORIES CONSUMED.  so the other day, after i binged at lunch and went to that psych class, with super-ultra-high anxiety just dying to go to the bathroom and throw it up, i still couldn't bring myself to do it.  i've tried before unsuccessfully, and now i feel better, because i know that purging starts a really bad cycle where you feel like bingeing won't lead to gain, and maybe you'll lose.  chances are you won't.  better to restrict.  i'm fine with that.  my own form of purging is restriction (which, i believe actually makes you meet the bulimia criteria, rather than EDNOS...although i don't think my binges are as bad as the DSM requires them to be: massive amounts of food in under 2 hours...well, actually, maybe they are...haha).

anyway.  i didn't eat today, and i'm sticking this out, and not budging in upping my calories until monday where i'll allow myself 200, and no more than that until i hit at least 113, which was my end goal for this friday, which i probably won't hit by then, now.

so, it's back to reading for me, because it's unclear whether my class tomorrow is canceled or not (thanks, professor for emailing me back).  today actually also kind of sucked, despite having no class, because i didn't even leave the building, and just slowly slowly slowly dragged by in my reading. it was boring. also tomorrow i have to go to the DC to pick up some more equal packets, and i'm thinking maybe some celery.  i kind of hope i do have class, just to get my lazy butt up!


love&luck,
anastasia kirstyn

(oh my god the shoes, the shoes!!!)