today

today i've turned my back on mia, this strange, trickery version of mia that made me 'binge-restrict-binge-restrict' two years ago before i even realized it was her, before i even heard that she had that power; she found me and captured me in a roundabout way, i didn't even know.  i don't throw up, so i've never known mia (wrong, so wrong.  look how well she tricked you.)  mia who whispers suddenly, strongly into my head "if you don't eat all of this right now, you'll never have the same chance.  just eat it. NOW. GO!"          what fucking lies.  mia has become this incessant, neverending cycle i've been caught in.  a circle.  round.  which is exactly how you'll stay as long as you let her creep into your head.

today i turn back to ana.  a long, straight line.  a road, the further down it you go the thinner it appears in the distance.  you don't turn back from her, she leads you, straight ahead.  thinner, thinner, thinner.  a thin red bracelet sneaks its way around my wrist today.  this is my choice.  i alone have the control i need.