woke up, weigh-in today: 115! which, i know, kind of sucks, but i started this week weighing 118 (i gained two since coming back to school) on monday, so that's 3 pounds, and for me, water weight/food in the stomach before-hand weight is only tops 2 pounds, so i'm going to look at it as a loss of 1 pound. sounds silly, but it means something to me, because it's the beginning!
by some miracle of god (or whatever forces) thankfully i was able to resist eating at lunch. i knew it was a pizza and fries day at the dining center, but it ended up being two types that i completely hate; so my faith in the cosmos and myself are renewed, haha. french fries and pizza are absolutely my two worst weeknesses. in all honesty, calorie-wise a little bit of pizza is okay for a day, but fries are the worstt. no worries though. i've decided i'll allow myself french fries one day a week, otherwise i'm afraid i'll completely binge one day.
today's intake is (similar to yesterday):
chips (170) [i will eat less of these, but right now it's the one thing i actually enjoy that doesn't entirely ruin my count for the day]
1 cup cinnamon toast crunch (175)
so, definitely not perfect, but i'll make up for it this weekend. i could tell people were watching to see if i would eat at dinner, so they cinnamon toast crunch was kind of to keep them off my back. unfortunately, my best friends at school do know i've had eating issues ("in the past") alongside many other problems/addictive qualities! they worry, i suppose. it's fine, i'll just skip more meals with them, but i've been doing that all week, i missed them! so, today was friday but ugh. i stayed up last night until 7am writing a paper that the professor decided to make due on monday, but did not clarify on the online syllabus. so. pointless. but it's okay because now it's finished! and my work study job today sucked. actually it always sucks lately. i spend three hours editing scholarship fund descriptions looking for typos and incorrect grammar...it's getting old doing it nine hours a week, even if i do look at it as a time for me to listen to a bunch of the new music on my ipod (i currently have 14,154 songs-which is absolutely too many to ever listen to, but that's okay).
tonight's going to be a chill night, movie night with my girlies. we're watching dark knight, which i paid for a ticket to see but slept through most of (i had pulled an all-nighter the night before!), but i'm excited because everyone says it's really good. the snow kind of sucks. we're supposed to get 12 inches, and all these things are getting cancelled here...like, it literally takes 15 minutes tops to walk from one end of campus to the other, i don't see why parties and things should be cancelled...so lame. whatever, i'm sure i'll at least wander down to the first floor to watch some beer pong tomorrow night (i never play, beer=massive amounts of calories. straight vodka shots, please!). and yes, i do live on the third floor with no elevators, lots of stairs!! i plan on exercising again next week. i've been avoiding it because schoolwork's been crazy, and also because one of my biggest fears when i first start cutting serious calories is that i'll pass out at the gym. it's happened before, and it was so embarrassing, and also caused all my friends to FREAK OUT about my eating. so. have to be careful with that. i have a natural predisposition to passing out, it used to happen to me about once a month...when i'm tired, or dehydrated, or haven't eaten in days... so it's something i worry about.
anyway, this is long, and i doubt you're reading still, but i'll update you more later. maybe on my actual life; i realized this is really food-weight heavy lately, but i do have a life!
leaving you again with something pretty...
(from america's next top model, the short season...she's under 5'9"!)
(don't we all feel this way, wayy too often)