Sunday, June 20, 2010

not disappeared, but away for the summer

hey loves
so i'm working at a camp for the next nine weeks
with one shared computer between a staff of like 60 plus 15-20something yearolds
so basically i'll barely be able to post
i'm still working on the losses though,
met my first goal weight! i hit 114.5 yesterday! it made me soooo happy!
partly i think when i don't eat a lot, the topamax helps my body lose more weight faster. and it keeps my hunger from being too painful, and sometimes i just don't get hungry all day even though i don't eat, so that's really cool, especially since i'll be working as a counselor and i have to be on my game with the kids all day long, so i really can't be worrying about myself or in pain.

love and luck to you all, i hope you're doing well
i've been feeling a lot better.

i went to BONNAROO! and it was definitely one of the best experiences of my lifeee i urge you all to go
i had plenty of favorites. tops wereee. regina spektor, she & him, jay-z, the xx, deadmau5, the flaming lips, lcd soundsystem...the list goes on and much music, and everyone was sooo good!

okwell. i have to leave really soon (tonight!) but i'll try to do a few short posts if i ever get a chance just to update you on things if i can.

love&luck to you all
&&;i have been reading, just so you know,
<3 anastasia

nicole fox from antm cycle 13, my favorite winner!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

i've missed

i've missed
     the sharp edges of hip bones
     and elbows

     and the reassuring feeling
     of a stomach used to feeling empty.
     not even painful anymore, just a feeling that's always there,
            like you know you're doing something right.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

scales, numbers, calories, meals? whattt?

the cheap scale i own said 119.5 yesterday.
my mother's scale said 118.5 though.
and today. the scale at the house where i babysit, said 118.5. and that was with jeans on.
and i had to have lost. because at that house, on friday, it said 120.0. so that's something.
i had a teeny salad with dab of 15 calorie dressing, 15 pita chips, and some pickles today and i feel like a whale.
there's something wrong with me.
but i only feel this way, because i'm afraid i won't even have a half pound loss tomorrow, and that will hurt.
luckily i work 8 hours a day now, and don't have time to think about breakfast or lunch, and don't care to make anything beside salads for dinner.

i'm still taking topa, and thanks to the slowness of the mail i'm just now upping my dosage to 100mg a day from 50.  it's true that i had a smaller appetite but that could partly be because i just stopped eating of my own accord so my stomach shrunk.  i still get hungry, but can't eat much of anything because nothing fits in my stomach.  also really sweet sodas taste off, but i only drink diet so no loss there.  i mostly do salty, not sweets.  i'll update you if those things change.

i hope everyone's doing well.  i'm trying to catch up on your blogs, but it's slow since i'm working a lot and trying to get enough sleep also.
lots of love and luck,

and take some time to enjoy the scenery. sometimes the world is beautiful, even if we don't feel we are. (but you are, i promise)

oh ps.
i've been crashing at my friends' apartment near where i work. and one of them gained like at LEAST the freshman fifteen (i'd go for like, 25).  and she keeps going to the gym.  but anyone who knows anything about losing weight knows you can't just go to the gym, you have to WATCH WHAT YOU EAT.  she continues to eat ice cream daily, lots of cheese (so fattening), guacamole with tortilla chips, hummus (that stuff is so high in calories if you eat a lot of it!!!) but oh she eats it with CARROTS not pita chips-THEY ALL HAVE CALORIES!, and snacks all the time!  the other day at the shore she ate a giaaant chipwich (ice cream sandwiched between two huge chocolate chip cookies).  i'm dying watching her.  like hi, you have what looks like a guy's beer gut, and you're STILL EATING DESSERT???? EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVE TO CUT OUT BIG DESSERTS ("haha dessert is my favorite meal!")! today she ate TWO ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!! AND JUST NOW WENT BACK FOR M&M's!!!   obviously i feel better about how little i'm eating, but she eats waaayyy more than the other girl in the apartment who's not trying to lose weight.  and she's "sure" she gained all this weight "just at the end of spring semester" (not true at all) from "drinking so much" also not true.  it's from the melted bowl of chocolate chips she ate at lunch every day.  she honestly thinks her going to the gym every day is going to take this weight off? forget about it!  she doesn't even own a scale!!

okay.  now i definitely feel better about myself.  remember girls.  there are people out there doing a LOT worse!