ah, home for the holidays...

i think my mother took my brother and me out to dinner at an italian place tonight on purpose,
so she could watch me eat cheesy, calorie-filled food, and make sure i ate today.
ugh the ultimate downside to being home for winter break.
&tomorrow? she has plans for cookie baking with us.

but i was really good on my own today, i only ate some vegetables besides the dinner she made me eat.
god i'm such a bitch.
but whatever, i don't want to get caught this month that i'm home, so i'll play along the days that i have to, and all the others i'll just starve, starve, starve.
my body just wants to drop the weight, it's dropping off kind of quickly these days.
so close to being back in the double digits. can't wait.

love&luck to all of you, especially with the holidays & how stressful it can be to deal with gatherings with food, people always around, being stuck with parents for too many hours in which you should be eating,
we'll get through it,
<3 kirstyn

oh and ps. i'm the lowest weight i've been in the past year and a half. !!!!! how is this finally reality?
AND only 9 lbs away from my stagnant low weight from junior year of high school.
&some days it feels like no effort, none at all.

merry christmas, from victoria's secret

ohheywhatupblogging?

well hello, long time no see.
i'm back!

summer went really well, i had tons of fun. enough said there.
in all honesty i didn't know if i was going to come back to this blog a few weeks ago. i wasn't feeling as ED-centered/focused as usual (though i had lost weight...it was just not my main focus at all).

but of course, today i check the scale for the first time in a few days...and i'm down like three pounds this week. &i have no idea how it happened.  i drank three nights this week, and i thought i was eating a normal person amount, and i did not exercise.
maybe it was the sex i've been having.  or maybe i'm just eating way less than i think, i wasn't counting.
soo i realized i need an outlet, and i also realized my eating/weight issues are obviously still a concern for me.


so overall update, i'm about 13 pounds down from may, when i left school.  my friends all noticed the weight loss, even though i honestly can't tell looking at myself.  "wow you lost like a lot of weight this summer you look so much skinnier"  and casually after i remarked about some girl passing by having lost weight, "yea did you lose weight cause it looks like it". honestly i was fluctuating around 116 once i went to work at camp, and then i got strep throat and couldn't eat because of the pain for a few days, and i dropped a few pounds...and now it's just getting easier and my body seems to want the weight to come off.  i can't wear my skinny jeans without a belt, my hip bones are back, my back is all ribs and backbones. i guess i there are differences. it's weird that it's happening without a lot of effort from me.  the cool thing about this school year (sophomore in college woo) is that i'm living in an on-campus apartment, so i'm off the meal plan and can eat/not eat whatever i want.  i basically have lots of snack food, very little meal food, plenty of veggies, and some vegetarian stuff for when i do feel like eating dinner.  my schedule makes it so lunch just doesn't really happen, since i don't go to the dining center for it...i just don't bring food with me upcampus to class.  it's so simple.

so that's what's new on the eating/weight scene for me.  i'm really tired and have so much work to do, but i promise i'll update you on juicy details (boys boys boys) later.

lots of love,
anastasia kirstyn

(th)inspiration? absolutely.